Jonesing

Things have the tendency to pile up. Tasks, homework, you name it. I have found myself experiencing this far too many times than I would care to admit. The most recent for me- another disorder to add to my list. I am the lucky new owner of carpal tunnel in not one but two (count them two!) wrists. Seriously? Seriously.

I'm sure I can thank my technologically inclined major, coursework, activities, and jobs. The one thing I was sure to mention while in the doctor's office- I need them back so I can go back to work/school. When I share my diagnosis with people outside of this field- I am told such things as "you're too young to have that." Anyone in this industry can understand the twisted commitment to the field and jonesing to get back to what I love.

I could worry about how long it will take me to get my hands back to semi-full functioning. But, I think I am going to get back to watching the Grammy's before I go to bed. See what a great trade-off that is? You should try it sometime.

Three Strikes

I worry about other people. I worry all the time about what other people do and need and what can I do to help? This has become a problem in my life. More often than not, my urge to help other people comes back to bite me. And the most recent instance- has caused a rift in my life that continues to grow. It's apparent I should stop caring about others. Not entirely. But maybe institute a "three strike policy." So I can begin to worry less about people who will only end up abusing me (that will only cause me to worry and become upset even more).

This last time I was talking to a couple people about what to do. Both agreed it was something I should not worry about. They asked me why I was so upset about someone who obviously does not want my advice and even when I did give it- I was accused of tearing that person down. So that is that. New changes will start today. It will take some getting used to be some people are a lost cause. Some people are supported by choosing ignorance and unpreparedness over experience and reason.

Less worry, less stress, less frustration. I am washing my hands of situations like these. A new perspective on how to help others. It is similar to what a professor I had once said- "I will only put in as much effort as you do." If you are not willing to help yourself, then there is no reason I should worry about finding a way to help you.

Batter up!

Keep Breathing

Last Friday, I had a routine dermatology appointment. As I sat in the room waiting for the doctor to come in, I debated on whether I should mention this mole that came on pretty quickly. You know those conversations you have with yourself in your head? I kept telling myself it was not a big deal and to stop. Still waiting, I eventually decided I would just mention it towards the end of the appointment- like an afterthought. No big deal.

She looked at it with her funky looking microscope/light that made me feel like one of the film strips I've studied in photography classes. She said it looked fairly normal. Whew! Then she compared it to others and took into consideration how quickly it developed and its size. She decided that she should remove it- just to be sure. She would call in about ten days with the results. As it turns out, I am glad she played it safe.

Since I am working on the whole worry free lifestyle (have not perfected it yet!), thinking about the results was shuffled to the back of my mind. When they called today, I missed it and they left a message asking me to call back. The first thing that popped into my mind was: “oh no! Why would they need me to call if everything was not ok?” Decided to knock it off and went to class. They eventually called me later in the afternoon. She told me that there were abnormal cells in the biopsy but they “got it all.” Breathing easier, I shared the great news. There will be more caution practiced in the future with any concerns about skin changes. For now, I am thanking God for the blessing and working to keep in that positive light.

Stepping back, I know that worrying about the results would have just added more stress to my life and would not have helped me speed up the process of waiting. Nothing but living in the moment would have helped me get to this point. It may sound stupid because these thoughts so simple. Once you reach that point where your life has gone out of your realm of control, simple is what works. Keep that in mind - something we learn when we are young (and in my psychology research classes): KISS = Keep It Simple Stupid. That can be more powerful than you could imagine. Next time, we can talk about going to therapy later for calling yourself stupid all the time. :)

Starting Fresh

Some people feel that with each new year they have to completely start over. They make resolutions and then somewhere along the line, life gets in the way and those resolutions are forgotten about. Then, a few months later, spring cleaning hits and those resolutions magically reappear. No progress has been made whatsoever on what we resolved to do or change. Worry sets in because we have already failed at our fresh start and life has picked up- when will we find the time to make ourselves into better people this year?

Calm down. Breathe. We're going to get through this. If the only thing you accomplish this year is to stop worrying. A wise person once told me (and continues to remind me) do not borrow worries. After the first 20 or so times she told me this, it sank it. I slowly began to lighten up. Three tests and two papers in a week? In the past, I would have become so worked up about all of the deadlines for classes and jobs that I became legitimately ill. After one of the most stressful years I have survived, I was on more than ten different prescriptions (most that had to be taken more than once a day) and my esophagus was closing. Thinking about it now puts me back into the panic I lived in each day.

With guidance, I reevaluated my priorities and put myself first. This year, I live with a little less worry and fewer prescriptions. Work on your stress and see how it goes. I hope you'll join me in the world of new found clarity and air.